The Attempt of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Tigris-ISA
Summary: What if Kyon actually slapped Haruhi? Oneshot with minor  very very minor  blood&guts involved.


I can't believe it. I actually slapped her. I slapped Haruhi.

I won't say she didn't deserve it, but that still doesn't make it right. I bet she really hates me now. Hell, I kinda hate myself. I guess I'm depressed.

Depressed? What's to be depressed about? I just slapped God! So why do I feel suddenly empty? I probably just feel guilty because so many people were watching. If that's the case, what's with the depression?

I am really starting to hate myself now. I'm honestly considering a suicide. That's it, I'll hang myself.

Actually, I've got a much better idea.

_Next day, after school_

That bastard Kyon didn't show up to class today. Good riddance. He slapped me across the face in front of the few people who really respect me.

I bet I won't even see him in the clubroom today. If ever does decide to come back, I will personally beat that sarcastic smile off his sorry face. No mercy, not even for him! Wait, that sounded like I meant I normally make exceptions for him, which isn't what I meant at all. Damn my lack of awareness!

I somehow managed to get to the clubroom before Mikuru, Itsuki, and Yuki, but the one member who was there was not in his usual position.

The table and chairs had all been pushed out of the way except for one that was on its side in the middle of the floor. Just above this chair was a boy I wish I hadn't recognized.

Kyon was hanging from the ceiling of the clubroom, a noose around his neck.

I nearly fainted on the spot. Why the hell did Kyon kill himself? He's the one who slapped _me_! Is there something I'm missing here?

"Hello, miss Suzumiya, I see you're—oh..." Itsuki said as he entered the room and saw the gruesome sight.

"Why, Kyon?" I asked the body. "Why did you do it? You always grumbled about how much you didn't like me, and when you finally have me beat, you kill yourself?" I could feel ears coming to my eyes.

It was then that I realized it. I may hate his guts today, but I once had a dream. I called it a nightmare the, but now I look back on it as a fantasy. Kyon was there. He said some pretty strange things, and he decided to end our conversation with something I would never expect from the real Kyon. He kissed me, full on the lips.

The tears were now freely falling from my eyes. I didn't care that the entire brigade was watching. I walked over to Kyon's body and wrapped my arms around it.

"I can't believe I never had the courage to say this while you were alive," I whispered softly. "I love you, Kyon."

I then felt a wave of deep depression spread outward from my chest as I realized that he wasn't going to come back.

"Well if he's not coming back, I'm going in after him!" I declared to no one in particular. I then ran over to the closet and searched for something I could use.

"Miss Suzumiya, what are you doing?" Mikuru asked in a panicked tone.

"Exactly what I said I would. I'm going after Kyon!" I then found what I was looking for. I don't know what a gun was doing in the back of a literary club closet, but I didn't care.

I put the tip of the gun to the side of my head and shouted, "don't try to stop me!"

"Wait Haruhi!" I never intended it to go this far. I only wanted to pull a cruel practical joke on Haruhi, I never even considered she'd turn it around like this. And what she had whispered just now...

It didn't matter. I was too late. I saw the bullet come out the other side of Haruhi's head as she toppled to the floor.

I unhooked the harness I had been using to create the illusion that I had hung myself and stumbled across the room. It was apparent that the others had also thought me dead, except Nagato, of course.

"Haruhi," I felt a sudden sense of overwhelming guilt. I knelt and put Haruhi's head in my lap and began to sob quietly.

"K-kyon?" was I hearing things? Did Haruhi's corpse just speak? "Kyon, I'm here. I followed you."

"Haruhi..." I started shakily. "I-I'm not dead."

"You idiot," she muttered as she sat up. "Stop denying it, I saw you hanging from the ceiling."

"No, it was a trick. I'm not dead... b-but-" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"But you should be, miss Suzumiya," Koizumi explained for me.

"Itsuki? What are you doing here?" Haruhi asked as she slowly sat up. She then gripped the side of her head in pain. "Oh, where'd this headache come from?"

She then removed her hand from the side of her head and saw the crimson liquid on her palm. She finally figured it out. She had shot herself in the head, and she'd lived. I guess she really is God.

"So, Haruhi, what were you saying before?" I asked when the shock had left the group.

"What are you talking about?" she replied, as oblivious as ever.

"Y'know, you were afraid to say it while I was alive, so you whispered it to my supposedly dead body," I was stepping across several boundaries that were never meant to be crossed, but I didn't care.

"N-nothing, never mind... I don't remember," she stuttered as she turned away to hide a blush.

"Liar. You and I both know what you said back there," I said as she turned back to me with an even deeper blush and a very angry face, "and to be completely honest... I... I kinda like you... too."

This simple statement surprised both of us, along with everyone else in the clubroom. Thanks to Haruhi's gunshot, there were _a lot_ of people in the room, all of whom awkwardly shuffled out after I hade made this confession.

As soon as the door had been closed behind the last people out of the room, Haruhi wrapped her arms around my shoulders and drew me into a kiss. So many thoughts were rushing through my head in that one instant that my brain just shut down and let my lips do all the work.

"Kyon?" Haruhi asked as she slowly pulled away.

"Yeah, Haru-" she interrupted my response with a slap across my face.

"That was for yesterday," same old Haruhi.

Haruhi and I love each other. It took both of our attempted suicides to realize it. She may be egocentric and a little crazy, but she's normal enough for me. Besides, what's life without its narcissists?

He may be too sensible, He may be too normal, but then, that's why I love him. Besides, if everyone were a creative thinker, who'd do all the dirty work?

A/N: Hooray for being OOC! I'm sorry if this story is a little disturbing, but it's been bouncing around my head for nearly four months and I _had_ to get it down on paper... or into Word...

Of course Haruhi would kill herself if Kyon killed himself! She's obviously got a crush on him to the point that she'd want to follow him wherever he goes.

It's okay if you flame this, but I prefer constructive critisism.

I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu or any of its characters.


End file.
